__________thetearsjusflow

just saw [you]. was super hyper cos [you] smiled at me.












and im starting to miss [you] again. oh wells.













ok ok, i'll stop. *heads to mugg* i love [you]. with all my heart.
forever.

__________downhillattopspeed

my smile is turning its corners down day by day. tears are rising frm within slowly minute by minute. im so gonna cry when it reaches the last day of sch.. besides. i already feel like crying. but before the term ends, im going to keep EVERY word of my promise. this i promise [you].

reached fc at 445 ytdae. waited outside the hse fer a cab fer 20 mins? wtf. supposed to meet kim at pp.. got busted. lolx. she said she'll explain.. but she hasnt. hmmms. waiting fer her explanation seh. hahx. oh well. bought smth. then headed back to dHall. had rehearsal. was feeling pretty sian. stressed out frm schwork. been studying quite hard. frustrated cos *someone* was talking bad abt me in church. i mean, wats *ur* problem. -sighs- ive learnt to take things in my stride. shall not bother. then augustine saw that i looked pretty dead.. took me aside and asked me wats wrong. told him that i was pretty stressed out wif schwork. prayed for me, and the tears jus flowed. felt loads better aft that. thanks augustine!.. *hugs* absolutely love the pple at tkidz mans. worship was fantastic aft that. forgot to slide in though.. d=

today feeling pretty sian as well. studied in the morning.. i tink i've matured.. since mondae, i felt like a totally diff person. a new drive in my life and all. congrats to me. (= even miss lau tinks ive changed fer the better. [you] shud be happy. and can be proud of me too. hehx.

[the end of my strength will be the beginning of God's strength.]





[cos obviously, [she]'s outta my league, im wasting my time cos [she]'ll nvr be mine, i never will be good enuff fer [her], no no.] love [you]**

__________pesscarnival

it's over. all over. sad. looked forward to it, but now, in a flash, it is gone. pess carnival 2004 has ended. anuder year of waiting.

friday::after iap, i stayed back aft sch to shoot, and partly to wait for vanessa to finish stringE. yuppx. jus shoot and shoot and shoot lor. left sch at arnd 6. was very tired. that night, i talked to laoshi. i dint noe whether i shud take up the challenge or not. then smth she said made me do that. "give it ur best and have no regrets". it may have been short, but it certainly was sweet. it made me think again. that very moment, i decided to take up that challenge. i arranged a shooters trng wif dorea and nad.

sat::woke up at 9, cabbed down to sch. started shooting almost immediately. practised some tactics wif nad and dorea. dorea left at 12, while nad got a terrible migraine. she left at arnd 1. sadly. i continued to shoot frm 1-2. then zid came. she's such a great fren. ask her to cme, then she reallie cme. bathed in sch, then left at arnd 3 and headed to banquet to makan. zid left at 4, while i went to church. nothing much happened. went home. at night, i had nightmares abt nball. was super freaky.

sunday::PESS day. i woke up late. wat a great start. rushed to tkg in a cab. met everyone thr. on the bus, we crapped abt miss yeo. bonded wif the sec 3s. or at least, tried to. reached nie jurong and the first person i saw (non-tkgian) was sandra frm tct. lolx. pioneer sec. registered, and made our way up to the MPH. was so happy to see the swimming pool, and the HUGE hockey pitch. games this year sucked though. got our fixtures. first game was vs damai! i nearly cried lor!.. i was nervous. was gg to cry oredi. so scared. legs were like jelly when i was standing behind the transverse line. in the end, we beat damai 10-1. i tink we were lucky to meet the 'weaker' team. that boosted the whole team's morale. my shooting paid off too. was so so happy. won the nxt two games. then, our game that decided-whether-we'd-make-it-anot. we drew wif TWS. 6-6. i cried aft the game. i was so disappointed wif myself. there was this shot under the pole, but i dint put it in!! haish. ))= i played super hard for the last game though we definitely were gg to win. 13-0. i fought very hard, could not afford to waste anytime. when i came out of court, noraidah was like, 'rach! u're like this, woman full of charge on court. well done rach!' was so pleased. in the end, we still dint make it. lost to TWS in terms of goal diff. 31-14. sadly. haish. one goal would have made the diff. oh wells. like wat noraidah said, netball is a team game. dont put all the pressure on urself. had a good laugh wif disha at the pitch. was so so funny. she's damn joker lor. hope she trains more often. can laugh more. hehx. im so glad i took up this challenge, and i reallie have NO regrets.

life, without challenges would be boring, and there would be no meaning to live. and cos of this, i reallie welcome challenges. (not bets) i will take up every challenge that i can. this way, my life will be more colorful.



i noe [you] will be proud of me. btw, [your] voice is damn sexy can? lolx. (= love it!! i hope [you]'ll always be by my side, constantly giving me advice and the strength to carry on. i love [you] forever. *hugs*

__________neverbeenkissed

we had our children's party today. ((= was super fun. shall update abt everything that happened.

when i reached school this morning, i had this horrible feeling that our iap would be a total flop cos i found out that we had only 5 kids to our party which is pathetic. *duh* anyway. i was reading this book all through lit. and looking at the guit that zid 'mended' fer me. (thanks gurl) hahhs. then had art and enrichment, both turned into IAP 'run through' periods. both run throughs were disasterS. *sigh* then recess came. we went to the studio to set up stuff. only then did miss lau tell me that they werent able to get the amp for me. i was so pissed off. then spoke to miss lau abt how i felt that it would be a flop and stuff. then she set me thinking. "why dont u tink that it WONT be a flop, and try to make the best out of everything?" immediately, i knew that she was right. i had to change the way i thot before i pull the whole class's performance down. i went with gee to invite some tchrs to our party. we invited mdm haryati, zhuang laoshi, and miss tan. all three dint turn up. *sigh* but we had unexpected guests.. mrs angeline low, and her son and her niece and nephew. malcom, carine and owen respectively. owen's so cute lor. 2 yrs old. ((= *bounces* during the party, i videoed the first half of it. so fun. played with owen throughout. he's so cute. he refused to eat anything except for a bite off the nugget. sheena, yasmin and a few others were trying to force some brownies and strawberries down his throat. he jus pushed them away. so farnie. then i played with him for awhile. then jus before he left, he gave me a kiss on the cheek!!! ((= so cute!!! miss ee thot i terrorized him. hahah. i did not. then when we were clearing up, gee and i were being DJs. lolx. miss ee said that we did a fantastic job. <-- original quote. it was so cool. im glad i changed how i thot abt it. thanks miss lau. (=


read jan's blog. quite sad now. but with miss tan, noraidah and char on my side. i will try to forgive once again. its hard. but i will try. like wat [you] said : add water to make it soft. i will try. again.

__________disappointment

im so disappointed with myself. i disappointed [you]. sorrie. i could have done better. i have to work on it. very hard. have to buck up mans.

in the com lab now, having com studies. bored. carn wait fer trng.

wanted to blog abt smth. but i cant rmbr wat. damn. *slaps head* oh yeah. abt PESS this sunday. i got the paper for the teams in the morning. was surprised that steph passed the paper to me. she usually doesnt. when i took the paper, the first thing that caught my eye was the pink highlighted word(s) "shirin/rachel".. hmmm capt and v-capt. surprised, i looked down further. glimpsed through my teammates names. smthg wasnt right. then, i saw smth. the word that made the difference. "tkgs b2". was totally shocked. dint expect it at all. was pretty sad. to add on to that, [you] dint cme to sch. haish. started to sms in class. smsed [you] and noraidah. i had to noe why i was in tkgs b2. she only replied me at 9 last nite. she said this. "i've discussed with ching yi. we need you there cuz u can cover as both GA and WA. it'll be a challenge for you too as you'll help to lead the team. we see you capable of handling the position. and u showed some positive change last trng. so take the challenge rach. (=" that got me thinking. daryl asked me to make the best out of everything. oh wells.

then this morning after PE, miss tan spoke to me. she said that if jodd and hafizah could play, both of them would be in my team. i guess, that made me feel better. and after all, [you] came too. that made the difference. im reallie gna miss playing in PESS with the c div. *sigh*


[you]'ve trng today too. i shall watch [you], like i always do. hopefully.


i noe i dont meet [your] standards. but i reallie want to be there for [you] everyday of [your] life. i love [you].

__________elatified\\schreopen

finally. i saw [you]


after one whole week plus two days of holiday-cum-studying, school has reopened. though i wish it will nvr close again. those who noe wat im talking abt, noe wat im referring to. it is very saddening. i dont want to start ranting abt my love for [her] or how im reallie feeling now. you not bored, i bored lor. haish. this is gna be a short short entry. anyway. today marks the end of the US Open (tennis). with Roger Federer winning the Men's Singles title, and Svetlana Kunetsova getting the Women's Singles title. doubles werent so nice. but the finals for Men's Doubles was pretty nice. smack here smack there. so cool. watched the Doubles Final at 1am.. sleepless nite. so sad that Roddick was def. by Johanssen. stupidity. roddick is like, 26 positions better than him. so arghh!
gg for lunch soon.
nothing to say anyway.
mood :: super happy, more than words can say.





i reallie am happy. very happy. no words can describe how happy i am. and.....



how much i love [you].

___________heartbroken\\hurt

im supposed to have blogged this on fridae. but dint have the time to. anyway, i wrote this during our hist ca on thurs, but i wrote everything in chinese. so proud of myself. and btw, i sounds better in chinese. been mugging reall hard these few days. all for [you]. a promise is a promise. i wont go back on my word. i'll make [you] proud, like i am proud of [you]. i realie am proud of [you], [you] noe why. *smiles*

why cant i be with the people i love? this is not the first time.. my heart is broken, again. then again, i dont tink anybody reallie cares. non-existency. my broken heart can nvr be pieced back - it aint a jigsaw puzzle. if it does become whole again, the hurts and scars will always be there. and it doesnt mean that if i dont say anything, i am not bothered. its just that i dont want the people arnd me to worry. im like, this jinx. no matter who it is, but as long as that person means alot to me, they'll leave me, one by one. my heart has shattered, not only once. these scars and wounds accumalated can nvr be healed and will stay with me forever.. non-erasable. i want to cry, but the tears dont flow. i'll definitely go crazy one day. im waiting, badly, for that day to cme. if one day, i lose my memory, i'd rather i nvr know you again. that way, it'd be good for [you] and me -- my heart wont ache ever again, and it would not be so hard on you anymore. the best is that i forget u totally, but obviously, that's not possible. duh. i want to lose my memory, now. my heart is aching badly for [you] now, feels like millions of tiny glass shards piercing through my heart.

[you] said "When there is love, there is miracle.."
i need A miracle, now.
to heal my broken heart.



to [you]:: i cant bring myself to smile. my heart beats for [you]. and if [you] rmbr smth that ever happened, [you]'ll noe wat i mean by this -- "wo3 zhen1 de4 dong3 de2 an1 jing4 le4"
i love [you]. 16